Sizzling! The chemistry between him and the swords, I mean. was Madhuri! And Alia - maybe she was still in 'Raazi' mode? (Same sort of role, different hero, similar costumes.) Okay.what was Aditya Roy Kapur doing in the film? And why was he dressed like Sachin Pilot? Hadn't Sonakshi played a ditto role (dying, dying, dead) in another movie ( 'Lootera', 2013)? Then along came Varun Dhawan (lots of money saved here on costumes - he is bare-chested for the most part), playing the rakish lover boy, popping phallic-looking swords into a red-hot furnace. Were we in Mohenjo Daro? No? Ottoman Empire? Lekh Tandon's 1966 'Amrapali'? But that didn't look like Vyjayanthimala. What was this? A period film? If yes, which period exactly? The opulent sets provided no clues. By the time I was introduced to the principal characters one by one (in between dances galore), I was totally bewildered. Look at it! Pretty impressive, huh? Well, sure. Despite the initial disappointment, I told myself, wonderful things awaited us.I mean, look at the star cast! Yeah. But within minutes of watching Alia/Roop chasing colour-coordinated kites across village terraces, clad in the sort of lehenga a guest would wear to a society mehendi, I knew it was a kati patang we were in for - a movie that was blowing in the wind like a lost kite. We rushed to catch the show, hoping the baby would stay in for the next three hours. It must have been so infectious that when pregnant daughter declared this was possibly her last chance to watch 'Kalank' at a theatre, I promptly booked a ticket for her, too.

Imagine, I had temporarily forgotten that one of my daughters was heavily pregnant (full-term) and the possibility of her being rushed to Breach Candy Hospital for the delivery was distinct! Such was my excitement. I was so desperate to catch 'Kalank', I kept calling the neighbourhood multiplex to confirm timings.

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